Hi Reecie,

My question is simple…I have been going out with this guy for almost two months. He has been great.  He has been picking up the tab since we started. Very attentive.  A little possessive but I think that is natural. Nothing out of the norm with that. A week ago he told me he was broke and because of this he was moody and a bit curt with me.  He has been coughing the bill since we started, so I told him I would have him for this weekend not to worry about anything.  He came and it was all on me, his cigarettes, the gas, food.  He said he could come see me but had no money to do much… So I told him don’t worry come.  I did explain to him that I did this for him THIS time. I explained one of my pet peeves is when a man asks for money.  It burns me.
 
Ok, the weekend passed and everything is supposed to be going all right.  Today a week later he calls me and asked me if I could lend him $1000. I immediately knowing I DON’T have it told him, “no I can’t help you”.  He became offended that I said no so quickly.  He was like:  when they cut my phone then what?  Should we call this thing off now?  We will not be able to get in touch with each other.  It was like he was mad at me because his situation.  I told him to take it easy it was only temporary. It was like he expected me to pay his bill because I was the one he was talking to?  I have my own telephone bill.  And it is not like we live in different states. Isn’t it just too soon for him to depend on me? We are not engaged or married.
 
Signed,
Lady in Waiting

Hi Lady In Waiting,

To put it bluntly, hell yeah it is too soon to for him to be depending on you financially, especially to that degree. Honestly it sounds like this guy is a bit of scam artist. I don’t know how one goes from picking up the tab for close to two months to not being able to take care of the bare necessities of life like a phone bill and gas. Also, two months is not nearly enough time for the average person to feel comfortable enough to ask you for $1000, so he must have no shame in his game and/or be used to getting his requests fulfilled. The guilt trip he tried to put on you is even more of an indication that something is not right with this guy. Once you said you didn’t have it, he should’ve left it at that instead of trying to make you feel bad for his financial woes. Like you said, you two are not engaged or married…and I have to point out you two aren’t not even boyfriend and girlfriend yet.
 
I know it’s not politically correct for money to be issue in a relationship, but if he has financial issues to the tune of needing to borrow a substantial amount of money, then that is definitely cause for concern. If he is irresponsible with his money then what else is he irresponsible about? If he is working, then why doesn’t he have enough money to pay his bills? Where is his money going? Does he really work where he says he works? Does he really do what he says he does? Those are questions I would be asking myself if I was in your shoes. When we meet people we pretty much have to take what they say at face value, but as information presents itself you have to take those things into account as a sanity check that you aren’t getting bamboozled. I’m a Financial Analyst so I know that money problems don’t sneak up on you like that unless you aren’t handling your business or living in denial about the severity of your financial problems. Either way it’s not a good look.
 
I don’t blame you if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he was great at the beginning (isn’t it always great at the beginning though?), but don’t fail to heed the early warning signs of a shady character. If you honestly think that he is someone worth being with, then I suggest that you get to the bottom of his financial problems or at the very least establish boundaries with him when it comes to money. Make it clear that manipulative tactics like guilt trips won’t get him anywhere with you and will only turn you off. I have to point out that I am much more concern about his attempts at manipulation than his financial problems. It might start off as being relatively harmless, but it can turn into him trying to tear down your self-esteem to make him feel better, or blaming you for his wrong doings, etc. At this early stage in the relationship you have nothing to lose giving him his walking papers so really think about if he is worth the drama.
 
Hope that helps!
Reecie

So HM Readers, what do you think about Lady In Waiting’s situation? Is it premature for this guy to be asking her for a large amount of money? Is it a bad sign that he needs to borrow that kind of money in general? Would someone you’re dating asking you to borrow money be a deal breaker for you? Do you think his guilt trips are an indication that he might be a shady person?

Would you loan money to person you just started dating? Click here to vote

*Need advice? Hit me up at askreecie@gmail.com. I will respond to your question and it might get selected for the site. All responses will be kept anonymous.

Posted by Reecie