Dear Reecie,

Ok so I have never done this before, but I need some advice as to what might be going on right now. I was dating a guy for 3 years he’s 24, I’m 23. Our relationship was perfect, we were in love, best friends, wanted to see each other everyday, did everything together. U know. Well On the 19th of last month he broke up with me. He told me that he needed some time to figure out what he wants. He told me that he didn’t know if I was “the one” or if I wasn’t. I was his first real relationship and the first girl he has ever loved. The break up came out of no where. The night he broke up with me we were both crying, and at one point he had told me that he wondered if he made the right decision.

Well he had told me on the first that he did not want to get back together and that by hanging out he knew it wouldn’t make things better. He had told me he just wanted to be friends. We have only been talking like one day a week to keep in touch, and I talked to him last night. I had texted him yesterday morning and asked him if I could meet him somewhere since I haven’t seen him in a while. Just to talk, like friends. He texted me back and said I’ll let you know. Well anyways he calls me back last night and asks me, “Do you think you want to catch a movie Wed. night?”. Basically it has only been like a month and a half since he broke up with me. He knows I still want to be with him. I would like to know what this might mean. Before he had said that hanging out was a bad idea, cus i still wanted to be with him, so why all of a sudden does he go from thinking hanging out was a bad idea to asking me to go to the movies with him? Do you think that he wants to give us another try, but maybe doesn’t want to rush ne thing? Please let me know what you think. I’m going to go with him tomorrow, how should I act?

Sincerely,

Confused

Dear Confused,

Your situation is actually quite common and practically inevitable among young adults. The truth of the matter is, having a wonderful, loving, and fulfilling relationship at a young age isn’t a guarantee for longevity. Your ex was probably being truthful with you when he said that he needed time to figure out if you were the one for him. It’s very intimidating and often not very desirable to think of settling down for the long haul with someone without seeing what else is out there first.

Now as far as him having a change of heart and wanting to go to the movies with you tomorrow…DON’T take it to heart. It sounds to me like he might be having doubts about whether he did the right thing by breaking up with you and he wants to test the waters a little bit. However, don’t mistake his doubts for actually wanting to get back with you. He could be trying to ease his guilty conscience, wanting to spend time with you because he is comfortable around you, or any number of reasons. The best advice I can give you is to not read into the little things he may say or do and only concern yourself with the things he makes perfectly clear. Trust me, if and when he wants to get back with you, he will come right out and say it; you won’t have to wonder or piece together little tidbits of information.

In the meantime, I would suggest that you prepare yourself for the possibility that you may not get back together. You were very lucky to experience such a wonderful relationship and now you have a blueprint for what love is and how great things can be with the right person. Even if deep down inside you hold out hope that you two will reunite, go out and start dating to see what else is out there. As long as your ex feels like you are waiting for him to make up his mind about you, he will take his sweet time. Also, you will get the opportunity to see if he is the right one for you. So many times we get distracted trying to prove ourselves to someone without taking the time to evaluate if the person we are vying for is actually right for us. Remember that he broke up with you, so he should be the one putting in the work to get back with you. You have already proven yourself by being a good girlfriend for three years.

Tomorrow when you see him, play it cool. Let him initiate any discussions about where the relationship is going, but be honest about your feelings. Whatever you do, don’t give him the impression or allow him to think that you are willing to wait around indefinitely for his decision. I would also suggest that you keep things on a platonic level. The last thing you want is to give him the benefit of being snuggled up with you (even if you want to be snuggled up with him) without you having the benefit of a relationship. It will only get your emotions more involved and make him feel more comfortable about the breakup. Good Luck and I’m sure things will work out for you.

Sincerely,

Reecie

So HM readers…what do you think about Confused’s situation? Does her ex wanting to go out with her indicate he wants to get back with her? How should she act when she sees him? Have you ever wanted to get back with an ex? What did you do to get them back?

*If you have anything you need advice on…hit me up at askreecie@gmail.com. I respond to every letter I get and if I post your letter on the site, your identity will remain anonymous.

Posted by Reecie